Save You

The only thing that crosses through my mind right now is: FUCK...
Why? Well because he is such an idiot! Seriously i think of what i said in the past blogs and i laugh about it because its sooooo ridiculous!!!! Its like unreal because there no reason for me or him or ANYBODY to be suffering and in the end we still suffer(yes i know i too see the irony in the sentence).Like i said hes and idiot, he has absolutely no sens of self appreciation, he think life is useful, he thinks that he has no sense in the world and you want to know what is the WORST part? that he HAS THE FUCKING BALLS to tell ME that hes actually happy(i mean WTF dude?).You don't know what is like to see a wonderful person that has a million qualities that are just priceless crying from the inside and look into his red eyes completely ripped apart desperate for help, so full of sadness and fear.To see him fake a smile day after day and see the sorrow in his soul full of daemons.Its like that ray of sunshine that just escaped from he eyes that made my day and helped me move on would've just been sucked away and thrown to the trash.Then there's me,all ripped apart for and idiot cough in the hole of sorrow and in a way i feel i have to protect him because Ive been through so much and i feel that i say that i hate people like that, always glum and no caring about themselves, torturing themselves when its not their fault.I think that the WHY it hurts me so much to see him like this is because in the end all that I'm seeing is a poor reflection of myself, depressed,pessimistic,mad,sad, with no self appreciation or respect.There just so many things that i feel that he needs to know....But he has to discover them himself. So i say in my mind every time i see him that i wish i could take it all away,sometimes i just wish i could save you but you don't let me, i wish i could make him understand. By now you may think that I'm in love with this idiot, but surprisingly I'm not...Its so mush more than that and i just want him to be happy with someone that really deserves him..It doesn't have to be me,in fact, its not me at all.... I don't know if you understand,but i just want to see that ray of sunshine looking into my eyes and making my day once more...